HOW DO WORKAHOLICS TAKE TIME OFF?
I laughed right out loud when I typed the above. It feels like a joke in the “why did the chicken cross the road?” genre.
But, seriously. How DO workaholics take time off?
Answer: They don’t.
I’ll have a session with a nonprofit leader coaching client who has returned from a week away with family. They open by telling me how good it was to get away, that the kids had a great time, and that it was just so nice to be out of the office, off of Zoom, etc.
And I ask a few questions:
So were you on email?
Any meetings you had to Zoom in for?
Any texting with staff?
Did your board chair ping you at all?
Before long, we both agree that there was a substantive amount of disruptions, that my client can’t really say they detached and were able to focus 100% of their time on what is really hard: UNWINDING. And being truly “out of office”.
Do you think my client returns refreshed and rested, or do you think this client comes back with some resentment? Does my client take some grief from family, spouse, and friends for having to do X number of things that caused them to miss the food and wine tour they had booked? An easy yes.
I know about this all too well. This has been me. And if I don’t take some of my own advice, my upcoming two-week break will be Exhibit A in making the case for being a workaholic.
So I am writing this to help you (I hope) and to hold myself accountable. I’m committing to writing a companion post when I return to let you know how I did. In fact, maybe, just maybe I’ll have my assistant write the post!
I was compelled to write this post for 4 reasons:
1 – I realized that my assistant was making jokes about my upcoming trip and how much work I would get done. By the way, while admin support may feel like a luxury, please know that it is critical to the success of any staff leader or founder. (Want a rock-solid case for an admin? Read this.)
2 – I feel that there is a deep skepticism that I will detach.
3 – I heard the following words from my team (said with some humor but not quite enough): “Joan’s going to be away for the next two weeks. We are going to get SO MUCH done.”
4 – I was particularly compelled to write this because I have it so much better than staff leaders in the trenches with small staffs, working boards where so much rests on you. I have the ability to detach for two weeks. But… CAN I? WILL I?
WHY IS TIME OFF IMPORTANT?
- No one will give you a cool badge for working while you are away. Everyone already knows you work ridiculously long hours and are deeply committed to your mission. I have heard clients complain about vacation interruptions in a way that is almost like bragging. Trust me, everyone knows you are very, very important. You need to prove that to absolutely no one.
- Staff need time off from you. As a boss, owner, or leader, you have the power to create stress and to derail the work of your team. They actually will get more done if you’re not around.
- Staff need to be able to show you that “they’ve got this.” When you detach, you build a sense of agency in your team. They will be proud that they took care of something that they might have brought to you. They will feel really happy that they played a key role in ensuring that you had a wonderful week or two off.
- People follow the leader. If you encourage your staff members to take time off but they don’t, look in the mirror. You are modeling the behavior that staff think you expect from them.
HOW TO SET YOURSELF UP TO TAKE REAL TIME OFF: EMOTIONALLY
Repeat after me:
- “I am not indispensable.” (You might have to say this a few times.)
- “I might get a badge for actually detaching.”
- “My staff needs a break from me.” (You might wince when you say this.)
- “I am out of gas. Detaching will refuel me.”
- “I want to retain my A players, and I need to model detaching so they refuel.”
IT’S ALL IN THE PLANNING
Most people slide into their time off face first, like a baseball player stretching a single into a double. Run like hell, get as much done as possible, and then race home to pack. You forgot to set an email ‘away’ message.
You need to stop, hit the pause button on all your whirlwind of activities that might be driving everyone slightly crazy. And you need to do this at least a week before you leave, not 20 minutes before you leave.
Try this:
- Sit for an hour and make a list of the big things that are set to happen while you are away — the big rocks that the organization needs to focus on that either need to get finished or significant progress made during your time away.
- Meet 1:1 with every relevant person, staff, and board, and review the to-do list and their role in it. They may disagree, and you may reshape the list. Get aligned.
- Ask each person what they need from you so they don’t get stuck while you are away (or determine who they should go to to get unstuck).
- I implore you to find someone who can triage your email. If you do not have a single person you can trust to do that, make that a goal for when you get back. Email is a slippery slope. Can this person put emails that absolutely positively cannot wait in a special folder? Or can they text you that particular question? Better still, ANTICIPATE. Because you have a good list of what needs to happen, you can also predict emails that will come in that need attention. Ideally, those emails can go to someone else to handle in your absence, or better still, someone can return the email and commit to a rapid response on your first day back in the office.
- Plan that your first day back in the office will be wide open with no meetings. THAT is when you do your catch-up. So many clients stay on email with the universal workaholic excuse: “I can’t bear to be barraged when I return.” The antidote is not to keep up with email while you are gone. Stay detached until you return to your “office” and take the day to get your bearings, read and reflect on emails, and then set your priorities for the week. If you can do that in less than a day, you can start 1:1s. But NO ONE CAN BUG YOU ON DAY 1 BACK. It will be VERY disconcerting.
You may not do all of these things (I know you), but admit it, there are a few things worth trying. I get that it is a journey.
Speaking of the journey, I am on it too. Right this very moment. Yesterday, I asked for a deadline extension on this blog post, and I said, “I don’t sleep on airplanes, so I can do it on the plane and send it to you.”
My assistant reminded folks that I had two lengthy plane rides and had already predicted the request for the extension. She thinks she is very funny (and she is).
I redefined success this week to include “complete blog post before close of business on Friday.” I fueled my overachiever genes by completing it a day BEFORE it was due.
I feel great. Hope you can try some of these things and feel great too.
You deserve to feel great.
Now that you have finished reading, might I suggest that you look at your calendar and make sure that a 1-2 week vacation is on it? It’s been a rough year so far, and not going to get less rough.
Your staff and the community you serve — they are going to need you to be the best you can be.
