I spent some time this weekend thinking about 81 year olds. Two of them in fact. My mother and the Pope. The Pope turned 81 just this week and my mom turns 81 in May. When I began drafting the piece, I thought it was going to be about two different versions of 81 – similarities and differences – and it ended up being a piece encouraging the Pope to get a really fat cat. I have absolutely no idea why I started talking about my mother and her cat AGAIN. It’s when I knew I should walk away from the laptop and come back to writing at a later point.

This morning, I sat down with my coffee and scoured the NY Times website to see just how excruciating the Pennsylvania primary is going to be and lo and behold, I see a headline about the Pope and cats.

And so, without further ado, I offer you some of my own observations about the similarities between my mother, also named Joan Garry and Pope Benedict.

Similarities

1) Both are devout Catholics. My mom goes to church almost every day. Except on Thursday when she golfs.
2) Both of them like to drink. And I’m not talking lemonade.

3) Both of them have been to a synagogue recently. My mom for my kids’ bar / bat mitzvah and the Pope to an east side synagogue to honor the Passover holiday.

4) Both Pope Benedict and the other Joan Garry have struggled with the morality (or lack thereof) of homosexuality.

5) Both my mother and the Pope have a connection to my friend Sylvia Vogelman. My mother has known her for years and the Pope’s chef on Saturday night was a friend of Sylvia’s. She was not at liberty to discuss the menu but did acknowledge that the Pope likes to drink wine. Duh.

6) Both the Pope and my mother have spent time with gay men who sing. My mom has attended a number of concerts of the NYC Gay Men’s Chorus. The Pope spends alot of time with priests.

7) My mother and the Pope both love cats. In fact Pope Benedict is the only Pope who has a biography written about him by a cat.

Differences

1) My mother does not wear big wacky hats. Although in a recent photograph, she looks like she is wearing a plant.

2) My mother has struggled with my sexual orientation and is a lot further along on this subject than Pope Benedict.

3) My mother prefers martinis to red wine. Her martinis are with gin, very dry and she likes olives.

4) No one has written a biography of my mother and I have not heard that one is in the works. If there was, I am quite sure that her cat Babe would not write it.

5) My mother loses her wallet and her car keys with some regularity. I am guessing the Pope has people who take care of these things.

6) My mother enjoys a Sunday afternoon nap and takes good care of herself. The Pope runs himself ragged. My mom watched the Yankee stadium mass and said “The Pope looked exhausted. He had bags under his eyes that went all the way down to his knees.”

7) My mom has a wonderful, neurotic and severely overweight cat that keeps her company and loves her without condition. The Pope only has an imaginary cat named Chico.

For those of you who know my mother or the Pope and can add to either of these lists, you know where to find me.

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